I wrote this song as an assignment for English class my senior year in high school. As our last "paper" of our high school career, we were directed to write one-page piece about ourselves and then read it in front of the class. I wrote this song and brought my guitar in to sing it for my classmates.
I remember that at that time I wrote the song, I was applying for colleges and was frustrated with the process of trying to look good on the applications. Highlighting certain aspects of myself and diminishing others. All the standardized testing. Picking the "right" answers and trying to "be the right way. An exhausting task.
So here is the voice of a 17 year old expressing her heartbreak and anxiety about making her way into the adult world.
Is this my garden sinking in quicksand?
Passion has a dandelion will.
But now I seem to follow the path of most resistance
Perfection is the master of me still
My hands, they can do so much and
my plans, they are so hard to touch
Twisting to fit in a check box
Labels really cramp my smile
Call me what I will
I'm growing by the hour
writhing, laughing, yearning all the while
I have memories, painted tainted
colored by retrospect and devised in envy
I am foot worn, soul torn, my hair's shorn.
I'm weary, so leave me be.
Caught between woman and girl
Heart and Starvation.
I am in hibernation. I am
sleep walking I'm dream talking
released January 1, 2001
Danya River: Vox, Acoustic Guitar, Snaps
Doug Barta: Trumpet
Dave Lyons: Upright Bass
Christian Teele: Drums